Spearfishing
by Byrdde
Summary: Spearfishing with Draco Malfoy? Every fangirl's dream...


Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters you may recognize throughout the course of this insanity.  Ari pretty much owns herself, we just clean up after her once in a while.  I do own Krystal most of the time, however, though even she has an obnoxious mind of her own.  And finally, this is NOT MY FAULT.

~~~

Krystal squinted at the door.  Well, not really the door.  It was quite an ordinary door, made of wood and everything.  Nice grain, running vertically, well stained…but that wasn't what she was squinting at.  There was a Post-It stuck to the door at about eye level.  

I am spearfishing in Alaska. Don't shout. You'll disturb the fish. –Ari 

Krystal sighed and shook her head.  Oh, not again.  This was really starting to get worrisome.  Already knowing what she was going to see, she pushed through the door into the main room of the small house, and froze.

There were still pictures on the mantel, several of friends and a sad assortment of wedding photos mostly featuring a bushy haired bride and her tall, blond groom.  There was a piece of paper above them bearing the legend _I support D/Hr_. A stool sat in the middle of the room, a bucket half full of water and floating plastic fish.

What wasn't in the room was Ari.  Krystal glanced toward a corner.  Or her spear.

Oh this couldn't be good.

~

Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of Alaska…

Draco kept getting the strange feeling that his fishing partner might have a few screws loose.  He glanced over at her to see her watching him adoringly.  Well, that was understandable, but he was a married man now.  She giggled.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked suspiciously.

Between peals of school girl-esque giggles, Ari managed to gasp out, "I was just imagining you in…in leather…trousers…"  She fell off her stool giggling hysterically.

Just as Draco had decided that, not only did she have some screws loose, but she had no idea what a screwdriver was, and was attempting to edge as far away from her as he could without loosing a good view of the fishing hole, the loony girl sat up, all laughter gone.

"You don't have any, do you?" she asked seriously.

"Any what?" asked Draco, catching sight of a shadow deep in the murky waters.

"Leather trousers," said Ari conversationally, crawling back up onto her stool and leaning on her spear.

"Ah," was his only comment.  The contents of his wardrobe really weren't her concern.  And if he happened to own four different types of leather pants, well, what was it to her?

The fish moved.  Draco leaned forward a little, tracking the lithe shape with his eyes.  After a moment he got the feeling that someone was tracking _his_ lithe shape with her eyes.  He looked up to find Ari incredibly close.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Um…" she said.  It was as if she had been reading from some internal script and had just found several pages missing.

"Did you want something?"  Draco would never admit it to anyone – least of all his dear Hermione – but he was rather enjoying himself.  It had been a long time since he had been allowed – no, not allowed, a Malfoy is not forbidden anything – since he had had a chance to flirt.  Or, rather, torture a poor, naive girl.

"This isn't how it's supposed to go…" she muttered, continuing on for a moment and finishing with a mumble that sounded something like 'snog.'

"What was that?" he asked, intentionally leaning forward a bit as if he couldn't hear.  This wouldn't go past teasing he promised himself.  Not one little bit past.

~

Krystal grumbled as she reached into a jar on the mantle and pulled out a handful of glittering powder.  She had never really figured out how exactly Ari got her hands on the stuff.  She wasn't a witch, and most of the wizarding folks they knew either politely avoided her after a few traumatic encounters or ran screaming when they saw her coming.  Yet there was always a half-full jar of the stuff residing on the mantle.  Personally, Krystal had some private suspicions about Ari sneaking into Diagon Alley in the guise of a hag just to purchase the Floo powder and other magical paraphernalia that littered the room.

Throwing the handful in the fire, Krystal took a deep breath and stepped into the emerald flames.  "Malfoy Manor."

After a momentary feeling of disorientation, Krystal stepped out into the receiving room of Malfoy Manor and was greeted a few seconds later by a pair of tennis balls perched precariously on top of a scrawny body.  The house elf was wearing more socks in more places than any sane person could imagine.

"Mistress Krystal!" said Dobby with a bow.

"Dobby!" she said in relief.  "Is Hermione in?  Please tell me Hermione's in?  Or better yet, is Draco here?"

"No, Mistress Krystal," he simpered.  "I is sorry to inform that Master left to fish many hours ago and Mistress went a few minutes before your arrival to find him."  Dobby's voice lowered conspiratorially.  "If I say, Mistress Krystal, Mistress Malfoy was most upset when she departed, much muttering and storming about."

Krystal sank into a chair, head in her hands, and groaned.  "Oh, she's done it this time."

~

Ari was distressed.

This was not how a spearfishing trip alone with Draco was supposed to go.  There were supposed to be more sarcastic remarks, much superior smirking, and eventually a snog.  Hopefully more than one.  But he was just sitting there, fishing!  Where was the fun in that?

She had daydreamed about this for ages, alone in her home with her stool and bucket…well, no need to dwell on that.  Time to take affirmative action.

She took a long look at her companion.  Blond hair, tall, stormy gray eyes, smirk playing around the fringes of his pale face.  She fought down the urge to squee.  That would be embarrassing.

She did wish he had worn leather trousers though.  Nice, tight leather trousers.  Very, very tight black leather trousers.  Her eyes began to glaze over at the image.

"Draco?" she said as softly as she could.

He looked up.  "Yes?"  Was that annoyance in his eyes?  How sweet!  Why she didn't know.

"I…uh…" she stuttered under his slate gray gaze.  Now this was more like it.  

She couldn't imagine why Krystal had been trying to talk her out of this.  It wasn't as if Hermione knew.  They were all alone in the middle of an Alaskan ice field.  She leaned closer, resisting the urge to shove aside his spear and go in for the kill.

"Would you like something?" Draco drawled, his voice smooth and amused.

Ari was pretty sure things had begun going her way when the door to the small shed slammed open, framing a halo of bushy hair crowning an avenging angel.

"Ack!  It's Hermione!" screeched Ari.  "Save me, Draco!"

Draco rolled his eyes sarcastically.  "Oh yes, run away, run away."

"How…how dare you, Draco Malfoy!" shrieked Hermione, lunging toward the pair.  "I'm going to get you for this, you little…"

"Now, Hermione, dear," said Draco, prudently taking a large step backward.  "We were just spear fishing."

"Spear fishing!" Hermione looked close to tears for a moment.  Without warning, she growled and turned on Ari.

Ari and Draco sprawled on the ground as Ari tripped backwards.

"Get off of him!" Hermione shouted, pulling her wand out. 

A tiny grain of common sense filtered into Ari's Draco-fogged brain and she took off running across the ice.  "KRYSTAL, YOU WERE RIGHT!!" she shouted to the fields of white and continued on screaming as she dashed over the pack.  Right up to the point where she tripped and fell flat on her bum.

"Petrificus totalus!" yelled Hermione, aiming at Ari.

~

Krystal was browsing through the coffin selection in the undertaker's nearest the ice fields where she figured Ari and Draco were fishing when she heard the shouts.

"Can you hold one of the Royal Pine design?" she asked the undertaker.

"No problem," the man said, before adding a perfunctory,  "I'm sorry about your loss."

"Oh, we haven't lost her yet," Krystal said lightly, peering out the window.  "But even if we don't today, I'm sure she'll do something stupid again soon.  Ah, there she goes."  With that, Krystal wandered out of the shop and watched as Ari ran by, still screaming, with a large assortment of wild creatures chasing her.  And Hermione, of course.

A moment later she ran back past the other way, now screaming for help as bright pink bubbles blossomed forth from her mouth and ears.

And past again, her legs appearing to be made out of something blue, slimy and rank.

This went on for a while, each pass showing worse torture.  Eventually, Hermione began to laugh maniacally.  That was, Krystal decided, probably enough.

"So where's Draco?" she queried as they ran by again.  They both froze.

"Draco!" shouted Hermione and ran off back toward the shed.

"Draco!" cried Ari and attempted to run off back toward the shed.  She might have made it, if Krystal hadn't grabbed the back of her jacket. 

"Oh, stop it," said an irritated Krystal.  "Are we going to have to do this every few weeks?"

Ari looked mutinous.

"Fine, be that way.  Anyhow, I need you to come inside for a moment," she motioned to the building over her shoulder.  "There's a nice man in there who needs to fit you for something."

"New clothes?" Ari asked hopefully.

"Not exactly…"

~~~

NB: This is based on an away message that Ari uses, reading the same as her Post-It note.  She doesn't really have wedding photos of Draco and Hermione, though.  Only printouts.


End file.
